Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Old and new.




I woke up this morning with a funny taste in my head.
Spackled some butter over my whole grain bread.
Something tastes different,

maybe it's my tongue.
Something tastes different,
suddenly I'm not so young.

As I sit here at my computer in my kitchen at home in Atlanta, I wonder if I have forgotten how to study. Do I remember how to think? Will I be able to cook anything for myself but what I made all summer long: egg salad, pb&j, lunchables and canned soup? I'm laughing now.

I remember the old Anna. The one that at 15 decided it was time to start her real life, as if everything before had been less than reality. The one that moved away. There's a big part of that part of my personality that still swells up within me sometimes. It's the part that misses Gordon. It's the part that makes Monday seem an eternity away.

But now I'm looking the new Anna straight in the face-- she's better. She is the product of much work on God's part and much suffering (little and big) on her part. She is ...even...sometimes... good. Exactly where God wants her. Right. Now. This part beats back the counting-down-the-hours-til-Monday part and tells her to wait...and savor.

My mind is a whirlwind of scattered thoughts and really I shouldn't be thinking any of them, much less writing them down. But here I am. Well, now I'm going back to trying to study... I must prepare for New Testament. No, I'm not there yet...but that time is coming.

Life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil.

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